The Legend of the Library Ghost

or, How to Write a Ghost Story

Therese and I were bored at work, and we got to thinking (always dangerous) - our library used to be a house. It's about a hundred years old, and the upstairs is basically untouched. There used to be study rooms up there, but since it's not wheelchair-accessible, it's been closed to the public. People are forever asking why it was closed, and whether it will be reopened, and when, and can I please just go look around for a minute 'cause it sounds really cool and I promise I won't touch anything can I please? As we all know, the truth, while, well, truthful, is boring.

So Therese suggested an alternate explanation - a ghost. We got to talking about how to spread this rumor without looking like we were trying to spread the rumor, and we came up with the following. One could even change the details to apply it to any area one wishes to keep mysteriously private.

1. Evade. When people ask about the upstairs, look uncomfortable and stammer out the boring truth in a way that makes it look like an evasion. This raises curiosity, and people will then ask for "the real answer."

2. Share. Tell the "ghost story," but preface it with "We don't usually tell people this, but..."

2a. Make it tragic. Our ghost is a young farmer's daughter, whose beloved was shipped out in WWI days after giving her a ring and receiving in turn a promise that the girl would never rest until her disapproving father gave his blessing to their marriage. The soldier died and the girl was consumed with grief.

2b. Make it mysterious. The girl died shortly after receiving the news of her beloved's death - she fell down the stairs and broke her neck. But did she throw herself down the stairs out of grief and a preference to be dead rather than marry the man her father chose for her? or did he throw her down the stairs after her spirited refusal and consequent declaration of unending love for the young soldier? or did she simply trip and fall? was it her brother, just barely too young to serve in the army but full of patriotism and honor and anger at his sister's disobedience? No one knows, and her diary, in which she wrote faithfully every day, ends the day before she received the news of her beloved's death. The last several pages have been torn out... scraps of burnt paper were found in the fireplace by the invalid mother, but she never said a word about the matter, maintaining until her own death that her daughter's was an accident.

3. Provide evidence. Produce sounds of thumping, walking or shuffling at times when no one should be upstairs. Find out that pictures or portraits on display have been replaced by photographs, all of the same girl - the ghost. Lights might flicker on and off, late at night when the building is empty.

4. Deny. Nothing gives a ghost story credence like its categorical denial. If possible, deny the story before it is known.

And there it is - formula for a ghost story, ready for personalization and application wherever mysterious explanations are more interesting than the truth. Join us next time, when we will continue explaining the formulae for romance novels.